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77. INTERIOR T.V. THEATRE NEAR STAGE DOOR
The DIRECTOR is pacing up and down the corridor. NORM is also walking up and down, SHAKE is leaning against the wall quite unconcerned. NORM gives SHAKE a push.
NORM Worry, will you!
SHAKE adjusts his features to a worrying expression.
DIRECTOR (bitterly) Well, that's it, two minutes to the final run-through... they're bound to miss it...
NORM I'll murder that Lennon.
DIRECTOR But I suppose we can survive a missed run-through as long...
SHAKE... as they head up for the show. Oh yes, well I mean it'ud be a pity to miss the show, wouldn't it like.
NORM Shurrup, cheerful.
The horrible prospect hits the DIRECTOR.
DIRECTOR You don't think...
NORM (reassuring him) They'll be here.
DIRECTOR Oh now, they can't do that to me. (turning on Norm) It's all your fault. (overriding Norm) Oh yes it is and if they don't turn up I wouldn't be in your shoes for all the...
SHAKE (helping out)... tea in China. Oh you're right, neither would I.
He steps away from NORM and stands near the DIRECTOR.
NORM Traitor!
SHAKE nods his agreement to this assessment of his character.
SHAKE Of course.
At this moment JOHN, GEORGE and PAUL enter from the stage door. They are completely unconcerned and walk past the DIRECTOR, SHAKE and NORM.
JOHN (as he passes by) Hi Norm!
NORM (preoccupied) Hi, our lot!
The BOYS walk on when after a moment NORM snaps to.
NORM Our lot!
GEORGE (mildly) Did you want something.
NORM (beaming with delight) I could eat the lot of you.
JOHN You'd look gear with an apple in your gob.
DIRECTOR (accusingly) Do you realize you could have missed the final run-through?
GEORGE Sorry.
SHAKE Eh, there's only three of them.
PAUL Aye, we were looking for Ringo. But we realized he must have come back.
DIRECTOR Do you realize we are on the air, live, in front of an audience, in forty-five minutes and you're one short.
JOHN Control yourself or you'll spurt. He's bound to be somewhere.
NORM Aye, let's try the dressing room.
Everyone starts along the passage. NORM and PAUL last.
PAUL Eh, where's my grandfather?
NORM Don't worry about him. He can look after himself.
PAUL Aye, I suppose so.
They run after the others.
78. EXTERIOR T.V. THEATRE CLOSE-UP
GRANDFATHER Here they are, personally signed and handwritten by your own sweet boys. The chance of a lifetime. Be the envy of your less fortunate sisters!
The CAMERA PULLS back and we see GRANDFATHER is surrounded by girls who have broken from the queue and are doing a brisk trade with the old man. He has a large sign on which is written: "Get your genuine autographed Beatles photographs." On the edge of the crowd two POLICEMEN are trying to force the girls back into the queue. Finally they wade through the girls and confront GRANDFATHER. They look at the old man quizzically; he stares back coldly. They indicate he should hop it and quick but GRANDFATHER defiantly glares back at them. So with a sigh, they grab an arm each and escort the old man off.
79. INTERIOR POLICE STATION
It is the reception desk and behind it is the DESK SERGEANT. After a moment RINGO is dragged in by the POLICEMAN we saw him with before.
RINGO Look, I'm Ringo Starr... I've got a show to do in a few minutes you've got to let me go... I'm Ringo...
POLICEMAN Sure, they all say that these days ... Anyway ... I don't care who you are... you can save that for the stipendiary. Here you are, Sarge.
SERGEANT What is he?
POLICEMAN (reeling off the list) I've got a little list here. Wandering abroad. Malicious intent. Acting in a suspicious manner. Conduct liable to cause a breach of the peace. You name it, he's done it.
SERGEANT Oh, a little savage, is he?
POLICEMAN A proper Aborigine.
RINGO (on his dignity) I demand to see me solicitor.
SERGEANT What's his name?
RINGO Oh, well if you're going to get technical --
At that moment there is a loud series of noises off camera, furious shouting and dull crashes of wood.
SERGEANT Hello, it's going to be one of those nights, is it? (to policeman) Sit Charley Peace down over there.
The POLICEMAN takes RINGO to a bench and sits him down as GRANDFATHER and the two POLICEMEN who were with him enter. The sign is tattered and is being lugged after them.
GRANDFATHER Well, you got me here so do your worst but I'll take one of you with me. (kicks the nearest policeman) Oh, I know your game, get me in the tiled room and out come the rubber hoses but I'll defy you still.
SERGEANT Is there a fire, then?
GRANDFATHER leans across the desk and hisses at the SERGEANT.
GRANDFATHER You ugly, great brute you, you have sadism stamped all over your bloated British kisser.
SERGEANT Eh?
GRANDFATHER I'll go on a hunger strike. I know your caper. The kidney punch and the rabbit-clout. The third degree and the size twelve boot ankle-tap.
SERGEANT What's he on about?
GRANDFATHER (squaring up) I'm soldier of the Republic, you'll need the mahogany truncheon for this boyo. A nation once again.
SERGEANT (to policemen) Get Lloyd George over there with that mechanic in the cloth cap while I sort this lot out.
The POLICEMEN hurtle GRANDFATHER firmly but gently over to the bench on which RINGO is sitting and then return to the desk for a whispered conference with the SERGEANT. Meanwhile in full conspiratorial fashion GRANDFATHER talks to RINGO out of the side of his mouth.
GRANDFATHER Ringo, me old scout, they grabbed yer leg for the iron too, did they?
RINGO Well I'm not exactly a voluntary patient.
GRANDFATHER Shush! Have they roughed you up yet?
RINGO What?
GRANDFATHER (whispering) Keep your voice down, this lot'll paste you, just for the exercise. Oh they're a desperate crew of drippings and they've fists like matured hams for pounding defenseless lads like you.
RINGO (disturbed) Have they?
GRANDFATHER That sergeant's a body-blow veteran if ever I measured one. One of us has got to escape. I'll get the boys. Hold on son, I'll be back for you.
RINGO (horrified) Me!
GRANDFATHER And if they get you on the floor watch out for your brisket.
RINGO (hopefully) Oh, they seem all right to me.
GRANDFATHER That's what they want you to think. All coppers are villains.
SERGEANT (calling) Would you two like a cup of tea?
GRANDFATHER You see, sly villains.
RINGO (miserable) No thanks, Mr. Sergeant, sir.
We now have a CLOSE SHOT of POLICEMEN around the sergeant's desk.
SERGEANT So you just brought the old chap out of the crowd for his own good.
POLICEMAN Yeah, but he insisted on us bringing him to the station.
SERGEANT Well, he can't stop here.
Shot of GRANDFATHER watching POLICEMEN intently and muttering words as he does.
RINGO What are you doing?
GRANDFATHER Lip reading.
RINGO What are they saying?
GRANDFATHER Nothing good.
The POLICEMEN make a move towards GRANDFATHER and RINGO.
GRANDFATHER Well son, it's now or never.
He jumps to his feet and scurries towards the door.
GRANDFATHER All right, you paid assassins. Johnny McCartney'll give you a run for your three pence ha'penny.
He dashes out of the door followed by the POLICEMAN who has his pile of photos.
SERGEANT Now, what's he up to?
RINGO He's allergic to Bobbies, especially English Bobbies.
The POLICEMAN with the photos returns.
POLICEMAN (Irish accent) Your man disappeared like a leveret over a hill.
RINGO Turncoat!
The POLICEMEN turn on RINGO and walk towards him.
RINGO Mother!
80. EXTERIOR STREET
GRANDFATHER is running at top speed down the street. He is breathing heavily and runs as if pursued by the hounds of hell. The street however is entirely empty and no one is even in sight. As he reaches the top of the street he pauses and turning, looks around him. From his P.O.V. we see just how empty the street is and heaving a sigh of relief GRANDFATHER cackles to himself. His triumph is short lived. At this precise moment down the street comes a parade of police vehicles, a Black Maria, an escorting police motor bike patrol and an ordinary squad car. The procession draws up and the street is full of policemen getting out of the Black Maria and squad car and off motor bikes.
GRANDFATHER Be God, they've called up reinforcements, the dragnet's out!
He dashes off wildly in the general direction of the theatre. He has been completely unnoticed by the policemen who are lining up for a last minute inspection by the inspector in charge. The inspector is like a commander-in-chief of a spear-head attack force.
They smartly march off in the direction taken by GRANDFATHER.
81. INTERIOR T.V. THEATRE CONTROL ROOM
DIRECTOR (watching the clock) Only half an hour and you're on!
GEORGE Can I say something?
The director clutches at any straw.
DIRECTOR (hopefully) Yes, anything.
GEORGE (earnestly) It's highly unlikely we'll be on... I mean the law of averages are against you and it seems that, etc., etc....
But his speech is drowned by the pitiful moans of the DIRECTOR.
82. EXTERIOR T.V. THEATRE STAGE DOOR
The four little boys from the canal are being driven away by the security guard.
GUARD (going back into theatre) I'll have the hides off of you lot.
The kids retreat as GRANDFATHER pants into shot, ignoring the kids he enters the stage door but in a second he is out again, grasped firmly by the collar by the security guard.
GUARD You ought to be ashamed of yourself. Go home!
GRANDFATHER I must see Pauly.
GUARD Go home then and see him on the telly.
The GUARD re-enters the stage door.
GRANDFATHER looks around him and sees the four kids. He hustles over and after a whispered conference we hear his offer.
GRANDFATHER Can you fix him for me?
BOYS Yeah.
GRANDFATHER Sixpence.
BOY Each?
GRANDFATHER is about to argue.
GRANDFATHER Oh, all right.
BOY And in advance.
GRANDFATHER (disgusted) Mercenary!
But he hands over the money. The kids rush in the stage door and after a moment the furious GUARD chases them out and down the alley. GRANDFATHER, chuckling, nips in the door.
83. INTERIOR T.V. CONTROL ROOM ON STAGE
GRANDFATHER is being chased by several studio attendants; he is dodging behind equipment. He finally gets on a sound boom trolley and uses it as a weapon to keep his pursuers at bay.
84. INTERIOR T.V. CONTROL ROOM
The DIRECTOR, BOYS, and NORM and SHAKE see GRANDFATHER on the monitors. They dash out of the room and on to the stage.
DIRECTOR (shouting) It's all right, leave him alone.
PAUL Grandad, where's Ringo?
GRANDFATHER The police have the poor unfortunate lad in the Bridewell.
BOYS The police station.
GRANDFATHER He'll be pulp by now.
JOHN What are we waiting for?
GEORGE Come here.
PAUL, JOHN and GEORGE rush off.
DIRECTOR We've only got twenty minutes.
85. EXTERIOR STREET OUTSIDE POLICE STATION
PAUL, JOHN and GEORGE come running down the street in single file, their knees high in the air, they skid to a halt at the police station and without pausing they dash inside. After a moment they reappear -- only this time RINGO is behind them. They dash off down the street. They are followed at once by ten POLICEMEN also in single file. They are also pounding along knees high in the air. The BOYS and the coppers disappear around the corner. At once, they reappear from the other direction, then run down the street still followed by the policemen. When they reach the police station another group of police bars their way so they are forced to run up the stairs and inside.
86. INTERIOR POLICE STATION
The DESK SERGEANT is standing behind his desk looking very surprised. At this moment the boys run in and stand panting in front of the desk. Before the SERGEANT can start speaking the pursuing POLICEMEN arrive. They, too, are out of breath.
SERGEANT What is all this?
JOHN (heaving and panting) Hold on until we get our breath.
The BOYS and POLICEMEN pant on until JOHN seems to have recovered.
SERGEANT All right now?
JOHN Sure. (to boys) Ready?
The BOYS nod and without further ado they turn and run through the surprised rank of POLICEMEN and out into the street.
87. EXTERIOR STREET
THE CHASE CARRIES ON.
Shots of BOYS being pursued (still in single file) by police, including the sergeant with one shot where the BOYS are chasing the POLICEMEN. Finally, as they approach the theatre, they are seen by the girl fans who swarm around the police, over running them. The boys grin to each other and are about to make off when from their P.O.V. we see the INSPECTOR and POLICEMEN blocking it.
JOHN Ah well, it was worth a try.
INSPECTOR (calling to Sergeant) What do you think you're up to?
SERGEANT Arrest those boys, sir.
INSPECTOR That's all we need to start a real riot! (to Boys) Come on lads, they're waiting for you.
INTERIOR THEATRE BACKSTAGE
The Inspector now hustles the BOYS through the crowds and in through the main entrance of the theatre where SHAKE and NORM are waiting. NORM looks suspiciously at RINGO who is still wearing his cap. RINGO whips it off and NORM delightedly hugs him. The BOYS dash through the stalls entrance and on stage. The DIRECTOR sees them and bursts into tears with relief. NORM hustles the lads into the wings to be changed into their show costumes. All around them last-minute preparations are going on.
DIRECTOR Boys, you don't know what this means to me. If you hadn't come back it would have been the epilogue or the news in Welsh for life.
NORM Aren't you supposed to be in that box?
The DIRECTOR gives NORM a final glare and dashes off.
PAUL And another thing, where's that old mixer?
GRANDFATHER Here, Pauly.
And sitting on a box sadly chastened sits GRANDFATHER.
PAUL Well, I got a few things to say to you, two-faced John McCartney.
JOHN Aw, leave him alone Paul, he's back, isn't he? And it's not his fault he's old.
PAUL (hotly) What's old got to do with it?
JOHN You needn't bother.
PAUL Y'what?
JOHN Practicing to be thick-headed, you're there already.
PAUL Look he's a mixer and a trouble maker!
JOHN That's right, but he's only asking us to pay attention to him, aren't you?
From JOHN's P.O.V. we see GRANDFATHER. He looks what he is, a tired old man.
JOHN You see. (to Grandad) You know your trouble -- you should have gone West to America. You'd have wound up a Senior Citizen of Boston. As it is you took the wrong turning and what happened, you're a lonely old man from Liverpool.
GRANDFATHER (fighting back) But I'm clean.
The BOYS giggle and slap him on the back.
88. INTERIOR TV THEATRE AUDITORIUM
We see the audience of girls streaming in and settling down in their places for the show. There is the usual business of getting the show ready and we see SHOTS of the girls' faces, then JOHN, PAUL, RINGO and GEORGE looking at them. At last on cue from the floor manager the BOYS start their act to the audience's screams. During the number we constantly CUT away to the audience with various SHOTS of the ecstatic girls. In the middle of these shots we see NORM standing at the side of the audience his face glowing with satisfaction. We follow his gaze and from NORM'S P.O.V. we see GRANDFATHER handcuffed to SHAKE, but in spite of this, the old man is enjoying himself. The BOYS now perform a medley of numbers, i.e., a little of all the songs we have heard during the story. This gives the impression of a full set and we finish after their bows. While they are doing so they look again in the general direction of SHAKE and GRANDFATHER and from their P.O.V., we see SHAKE is beating time to the music but from his wrist dangles an empty set of handcuffs. GRANDFATHER has gone again. As the BOYS are reacting to GRANDFATHER's disappearance once again, the trap door on the stage opens and GRANDFATHER appears in the center of the group as they finish their act and take their final bows.
89. INTERIOR STUDIO CORRIDOR
NORM is waiting for the boys. With him are two studio attendants carrying the boys' luggage. As the BOYS excitedly appear he speaks to them.
NORM I've got the stuff. Come here.
PAUL Aren't we ...
NORM No, we're not!
He hurries them along.
NORM The office was on the phone, they think it'd be better if we pushed straight to Wolverhampton.
JOHN Tonight? We can't make it ...
NORM You've got a midnight matinee.
JOHN Now, look here, Norm ...
NORM No, you look here, John. I've only one thing to say to you.
JOHN What?
NORM You're a swine. So hurry up ... we're traveling!
NORM turns down a side exit where the door is open to the field. In it is an eight-passenger helicopter.
90. EXTERIOR STAGE DOOR T.V. THEATRE
The BOYS and NORM come out of the building and start to run towards the helicopter.
PAUL (looking behind him) Where's my grandfather?
NORM (arriving at helicopter door) Don't start. Look.
The boys look in the passenger bay and there is GRANDFATHER. He is still handcuffed to SHAKE but clutching his pile of photos.
GRANDFATHER (beckoning them in with his free hand which holds the photos) Come on, you're hanging up the parade.
The boys shout "Get rid of those things, etc."
91. EXTERIOR FIELD
The final shot is of the helicopter rising up (SHOT FROM BELOW). As it disappears, a shower of photos come from its window.
We cut to a CLOSE-UP of one signed photo as it hits the ground and SUPER the closing credits over it.
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