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John Lennon's murderer may have taken the most important person to us away, but he took something more from John...the chance to see Sean grow up and the chance to know Julian.

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...what he said about it. It's not that much bother really, is it? When you think about it - 'cause I'm sure Dot and Lil' and Bennigs, Tommy, Jordy, etc. can understand something as simple as us wanting to be alone for a day - I don't mean Julian - I mean don't pack him off to Dots or anywhere - I really miss him as a person now - do you know what I mean, he's not so much 'The Baby' or 'My Baby' anymore, he's a real living part of me now, you know he's Julian and everything and I can't wait to see him, I miss him more then I've ever done before - I think it's been a slow process my feeling like a real father! I hope all this is clear and understandable. I spend hours in dressing rooms and things thinking about the times I've wasted not being with him - and playing with him - you know I keep thinking of THOSE stupid times when I keep reading bloody newspapers and other s--- while he's in the room with me and I've decided it's ALL WRONG! He doesn't see enough of me as it is and I really want him to know and love me, and miss me like I seem to be missing both of you so much.

I'll go now 'cause I'm bringing myself down thinking about what a thoughtless bastard I seem to be - and it's only short of three o'clock in the afternoon, and it seems the wrong time of day to feel so emotional - I really feel like crying - its stupid - and I'm choking up now as I'm writting - I don't know what's the matter with me - It's not the tour that's so different from other tours - I mean I'm having lots of laughter (you know the type hee! hee!) but in between the laughter there is such a drop - I mean there seems to be in between feelings. Anyway I'm going now so this letter doesn't get to draggy.

I love you very much.
To Cyn
From
John XXXXXXXXXX

*This is a letter John wrote to Cynthia August 1965 during the Beatles' American tour.*

*I believe that the reason John spent so much time with Sean was because he was devastated for not spending time with Julian and he wanted to somehow make up for it. Yet, I do not agree with John for how he still coninued to neglect Julian after he had realized what a terrible father he had been to him.*

Hey Jude, don't make it bad.
Take a sad song and make it better.
Remember to let her into your heart,
Then you can start to make it better.

Hey Jude, don't be afraid.
You were made to go out and get her.
The minute you let her under your skin,
Then you begin to make it better.

And anytime you feel the pain, hey Jude, refrain,
Don't carry the world upon your shoulders.
For well you know that it's a fool who plays it cool
By making his world a little colder.

Hey Jude, don't let me down.
You have found her, now go and get her.
Remember to let her into your heart,
Then you can start to make it better.

So let it out and let it in, hey Jude, begin,
You're waiting for someone to perform with.
And don't you know that it's just you, hey Jude, you'll do,
The movement you need is on your shoulder.

Hey Jude, don't make it bad.
Take a sad song and make it better.
Remember to let her under your skin,
Then you'll begin to make it
Better better better better better better, oh.

Na na na, na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na, hey Jude...

*"Hey Jude" was written by Paul for Julian because he felt bad about what John was doing.*

Close your eyes
Have no fear
The monster's gone
He's on the run and your daddy's here

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy(S)
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy(S)

Before you go to sleep
Say a little prayer
Every day in every way
It's getting better and better

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy
(S)
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy(S)

Out on the ocean sailing away
I can hardly wait
To see you come of age
But I guess we'll both just have to be patient
'Cause it's a long way to go
A hard row to hoe
Yes it's a long way to go
But in the meantime

Before you cross the street
Take my hand
Life is what happens to you
While you're busy making other plans

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy
(S)
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy
(S)

Before you go to sleep
Say a little prayer
Every day in every way
It's getting better and better

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy(S)
Darling, darling, darling
Darling Sean (and JULIAN!)


*"Beautiful Boy" should have been for Sean AND JULIAN.*

*It angers me to think about how John neglected Julian, once he met Yoko and even before then. Now, not that there's anything wrong with Yoko Ono, but because she came into John's life, he divorced Cynthia and then Julian was pulled even farther away from his father.*

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Julian, John, and Sean with their guitars